Some Golden Rules

Delineate the Emotional Boundaries

You are not responsible for other people’s feelings. There is no way to predict how someone may or may not respond to any given action you take. You might think someone will be upset, but they are not. You might think someone will be totally fine, but they are not. It may not even occur to you, the strange and unusual nuances of the emotional world of others. You have no control over their feelings and responses, indeed you cannot even predict them. So do not temper your words and actions to try to elicit a desired, or to avoid an undesired, response. Be real. Be true to yourself. Be honest.

Our emotional responses belong to us alone, we own them, and they are our responsibility to manage. They come up out of one’s own unique set of experiences and past hurts. Our journey through them is ours alone to explore, and to heal at a deep level. That is the purpose of them. To show us exactly where it hurts, so we can find a way to mend.

Personal Autonomy and Liberty are Paramount

Every person is free to do whatever pleases them. To follow their own desires, pursue their highest dreams, and explore any and all connections that interest them. No relationship should ever restrict or impact on the personal liberties of the individual participants. Personal freedom is to be held sacred above all else. Without the freedom to be one’s true self, the soul withers on the vine. Live your truth, speak your truth, be your true self. You have permission.

Treat Others with Care and Respect

That being said, when a connection is deeply held, when you are truly intimate with another, when a soul bond is formed … you are held delicately in the palm of each other’s hands, vulnerable to each other. So take great care to be gentle with each other. While you are not responsible for the other’s feelings, you should make yourself emotionally available to support the other through those feelings in any way you can. Don’t abandon in exasperation. Don’t react defensively, making it about you. Remember the emotional boundaries. You are you, and they are them.

Ask the other; What do you need? What would you like out of this situation? Is there anything I can do to help you through this? Hear and validate the other; that’s totally understandable, your feelings are valid, I get that you feel that way. Be present for them, and create a safe space for them to feel their way through. Communicate as much as needed.

Honesty

The value and importance of honesty can not be under stated. Dishonesty can sometimes feel benign and benevolent, and can seem an easy solution to avoid uncomfortable conversations and hurt feelings. But dishonesty is a betrayal, of both yourself and the other. It clouds over the spiritual channels, blocking the flow of energy that comes from higher wisdom, and the connection to the oneness of all things.

Within a deep connection there is an energetic exchange. We know each other on a deep and unconscious level. We communicate truth to each other in our physical union. When words are not congruent with this energetically known truth, the discomfort is great. Anxiety, discord, fear, distrust, self doubt, confusion, and a feeling of craziness will follow. Because our inner world and outer world are not in alignment, we know something is not right, but cannot fully trust ourselves. This is very jarring to the soul.

Truth is truth. It’s better to be hurt by the truth, than to be hurt by lies. The truth is painful sometimes, but lies from the lips of a loved one are a far worse pill to swallow. Know thyself and speak the truth. Do not be afraid.